Film and Space

My Head Hurts, I’m Depressed And My Anxiety Is Through The Roof

Just giving you all an update.

Wow

I never post here anymore … I’ve been really kind of bottled up lately, I dunno … A lot of stuff has happened over the last couple weeks and I dont really know how to express how I’m feeling. I havnt been happy but I’m coping and I’m hoping that it will get better soon.

I Feel Like Total Crap

I feel like crying and I feel like sleeping and thats the entire spectrum of “How Dan would like to spend his day”. I dont have any good reason to cry though so Ill just sit here wishing I could feel something and I cant sleep, I’ve been trying to fall back to sleep for hours. I guess Ill go put on tea and watch movies all day.

Feeling So Gross

I hate where I’ve been for the last 2 weeks or so. I’ve been so down every night but I dont know why and I dont know how to deal with it. I dont want to say anything to anyone because theres nothing to be said. I dont want to sit here and mope to myself though I just feel worse and worse throughout the night.

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

I just want to be fucking better. For fuck sakes how long do I have to flip[ between pretending to be normal to crying alone to feeling nothing. I just want to be fucking normal.

Garden State

Such a genius movie. Makes me feel so much better. Gonna go watch it in a second. I just wanted to explain what it means to me.

Andrew has issues and a half. He has been screwed over by his meds for years and doesnt know how to function as a real person because of them but when he goes off of them he finds a home and some safety and overcomes his issues. I want to find that home and that safety. I have support all through my life but I’m always scared. I’m scared of so many things and sometimes I just cant get them out of my head and I cry and I hyper-ventilate and then I dont breathe at all and then I cant feel my arms or head. I identify really strongly with Andrew. His character inspires me to keep working at getting better which means more to me than I think I can communicate. I dont know how to explain how thankful I am for that help. I am eternally grateful to Zach Braff for the movie and to my best friend for introducing me (though he has introduced me to almost all of my favourite movies, he is a lot more into film then I am)

I Had A Great Day I Shouldnt Feel Like This

I want to be done hating myself. I want to be able to accept whats happened and whats happening and deal with it like a normal human being. I dont want to have panic attacks, I dont want to cry for no reason, I dont want to go days on end feeling nothing. I just want to be fucking normal. I dont want to have to check myself to make sure I’m not getting too emotional or too detached. I just want to be normal, without having to remind myself to pretend to be. 

Just Took Down Notes For Godspell

I’m going to apply for the rights to the show tomorrow. I’m trying to organize a production of Godspell as a fundraiser for Doctors Without Borders. Its basically Hair but more politically correct the way I have it thought out. Gonna run through my notes with my two best friends this weekend and talk casting. Once I’ve got some confirmation on rights Ill start looking at getting confirmation on the rental of the cities downtown parks band shell. Then Ill get my choreographer and a musical director on bored.